Dealing with the Aggressive Dementia Person

It’s a little warmer outside, but we’re heading toward highs in the single digits and lows below zero. I sometimes wonder how the trees do it, how they survive in this weather. I miss autumn and the bright colors even when they’re dropping leaves.

Speaking of falling leaves, I think I’ve lost a few recently. I see it in my thinking – not remembering the beginning of a thought I’d have, missing the names of things and spelling errors like crazy. It’s a bit scary.

Are you aggressive? If you are reading this article, you're likely not but you can get some things out of it if you’re around other people with dementia.

Let's start with triggers. Pay attention to how the person with dementia reacts to situations, large and small. You'll find their individual triggers that way. Let’s look at some common ones. They include:

A change of daily habits

Loud noises

Feeling overwhelmed

Being in a crowd or with unfamiliar people

Pain or any physical discomfort

Frustration when they can't do things or aren't being understood

Side effects of medication

As far as dealing with unknown people, prepare the mentally-impaired person with your friend’s name and your relationship to them such as “She’s a friend of mine” or “Your grandmother is coming over.” Tell them as close to the time they’ll arrive so the person doesn’t forget.

Other ideas and tips include having a room that is well lit, free of clutter and has pillows or soft covers, that you can get the person with dementia to go to when agitated or hostile.

For you, take a step back from them which provides more time and space for both of you. Reassure them they are safe. You might have to do this a number of times. Make sure you listen to their thoughts and feelings. Don't judge or try to correct.

Communicate calmly. Use simple language. Avoid complex questions. In fact, don’t ask if they’re okay or ask “What’s wrong?” more than once.

Focus on validating their feelings. Reassure them they're safe and you're there to help them. Make eye contact so they'll know who's talking to them.

Something that works well is to distract them. Gently draw their attention away from the cause of the aggression to something they like or like to do. Sometimes all you need is a piece of candy. Try guiding them back to what they were doing before like a puzzle.

Don't say anything like, “You’re silly,” or “We’ve been through this before.” It’s no one’s fault. There is no blaming. Don't forget to keep yourself from arguing with them or confronting about something.

If your loved one is on medication, don't dispense an additional dose.

Mom would often ask for Greg, her son. He had already passed away long before this. We simply made something up like saying “He’s been working a lot” then distracting her.

Jenny’s  sister, Julie, who didn't buy into this, would tell mom, “He died in that truck crash. Don't you remember?!” This would upset mom in her earlier stages of the disease, stoke her anger or confuse her as the Alzheimer's progressed.

Make sure you're safe. If your caree becomes physically violent, don't try to restrain. Walk away, get help from others around you and/or call 911 and explain the situation. Make sure to tell them that he's unarmed.

Hopefully it won't get to that point.

After all this is over, take care of yourself. Do something pleasant. Enjoy a hot cup of coffee or a refreshing glass of water. Talk to a friend or counselor. Contact someone from your support group.

We covered a lot of material today. The above compassionate acts can help navigate challenging interactions effectively.

 

 

Please remember, you're not alone.

Judi

“A calm voice can soothe a raging storm.”     Unknown”