Falling Leaves Caregiver Burnout
Our weather has been up and down. Higher than average temps to below freezing. Rain to overcast skies. When we've had higher temperatures it rained. No white Christmas this year.
We finally decorated the tree from 7:30 a.m. till about 8:30; it was the only time we had to get together. The tree is an important part of Christmas to me so I'm feeling happy!
But all of you aren't. On top of the problems you have some of you might also suffer from caregiver burnout which is a state of physical, emotional and/or intellectual state when you are overwhelmed by the demands of taking care of a patient or loved one or two.
Add to that a physical ailment or tension over other issues. My wife, Jenny, has a severe case of fibromyalgia and a high-stress, fast moving job and she has to take care of some of my needs. Luckily she works at home. And yes, she has burnout (were working on it), but I blame the job : ) As the caregiver you can be so focused on your loved one, you cease taking care of yourself. Pressure builds up and you might:
Become irritable and easily agitated.
Have a great deal of fatigue.
No longer maintain interest in previous activities you used to enjoy.
Experience sleep disturbances.
Become depressed.
Frequently fall ill.
Acquire increased anxiety.
Avoid friends and family.
Stop setting appointments for your own health care
You might also feel inadequate in your work, think you’re in “over your head” whether it's from not understanding the condition of the care user or having too much work to do or the patient has too many extra demands. You might feel stranded - no one else will help or that you were left with insufficient instructions.
You may be fearful that if you do something wrong your person-in-care will be harmed. You might experience anger at your loved one if you don't feel appreciated.
There are a couple of special considerations. The Cleveland Clinic points out role confusion. This is when a husband becomes a caregiver to his wife or a daughter becomes her mother's provider. There’s a special sense of mourning in losing the previous relationship plus, you see the day-to-day decline.
The other consideration involves multiple caregivers. If you are an in-house professional there might be differing opinions some with family disagreements. If there's family taking care of the person you may be stressed by power struggles. Everyone needs to know that these conflicts hurt the person in need.
My mother-in-law “mom” lived 20 minutes away when she began exhibiting symptoms of dementia. I felt guilty that we didn't visit her more. Jenny had an ample amount of time with her on the phone. She didn't ask for much. She was independent all her life. Now she was stubborn and had a lot of pride.
She functioned pretty well for a while but then she seemed to go downhill quickly. We had to take her car keys away then disconnect the stove. The times we spent there to visit, Vicki had us to share her frustrations with mom, the insurance system and in the health care system. Vicki had two grown children. Her son is 1000 miles away; her daughter locally. She's very involved with Hollie and her grandkids. And with her husband as well.
Before we look at burnout interventions, let's look at prevention, especially if you're just beginning to caregive or haven't reached the burned out stage. You're less likely to contact burnout if you -
Accept your feelings unconditionally. Share your emotions with someone you trust.
Put yourself as top priority.
Learn about the disease your loved one or patient has.
So what can you do to stop burnout.
One. Take care of yourself. Take the time to eat a balanced diet. Don’t forego protein or veggies.
Get exercise. Swim, walk, stretch or dance to YouTube. (Check out Dr. SD Shanti for ideas here. She's very creative.)
Make and keep your own medical appointments.
Do something nice for yourself: get your nails done; take a walk in the park; go to a movie; take a bubble bath; read in bed; take a nap.
Two. Use the community
Use the family even if they showed no interest in the past. Maybe they don’t know what to do. Guide them. Tell them to just sit with Mom, make her tea, just be here so she doesn't wander.
Swallow your pride and guilt and ask for help. If a friend offers to help, say yes. If someone asks you if you want to do something you really don’t want to, learn to say “No, but thank you for considering me.”
Use the community. Check out local resources. Perhaps Medicare or insurance pays for his or her prepared lunches or maybe she could attend a local daycare for the elderly. Contact your regional Area on Aging for programs for your loved one and yourself. You can also connect with your chapter of AARP for programs and referrals. Seek professional counseling if you're carrying burdens, like guilt, depression or anxiety and/or other emotions. A therapist can help you resolve new and old issues and aid you in finding current solutions. You can get referrals from your doctor, Googling psychologists in your area or check with one of the above agencies.
Taking care of ourselves is just as important as taking care of others. With the right prevention and intervention strategies we can find health, balance and joy and make it a fulfilling experience for everyone involved.
And to my fellow dementia partners, let's focus on joy today. If that's difficult, pick out one joy, large or small, and hold it in your heart.
Please remember, you are not alone.
See you tomorrow...
Judi
“Burnout feels like a candle that ran out of a wick - it doesn't have what it needs to continue to provide light.” The Cleveland Clinic